I have come to the conclusion that, decisions are the hardest part of my life. I have served 5 tours in combat, lived in a Wilderness setting, lived off the land and retired to a cabin on the road system. That was an easy decision to make but, it has been the worst decision, I have ever made. buying this property and building a cabin, made sense at the time. But now, I know it wasn't the right decision and it's taking its toll on me.
I have a beautiful piece of remote property on a nice lake and have neglected it pretty much for the last six years. I have been trying to rectify this by going out this Summer and working on it to have it ready by Winter. I have to put a hold on it for the present as, my friend Randy has leased his plane to some people and has a job flying for a fishing lodge and has been picking up some clients for this coming Fall bear and moose hunts.
He and I talked and we will try to figure out how to get some flights in between his work. I can't blame him, as he has to make money to keep two planes in operation. in the meantime I am planning on finishing a couple of projects on the town cabin and then selling it. I am thinking about trading it also for, another remote cabin or a cabin on the road system accessed by walking or atv.
I feel, this is the right decision to make. I have noticed that since I bought this property, my zest for life and in some case my health has diminished somewhat. Many of you know that I have been diagnosed with PTSD resulting from my time in Vietnam. For awhile, I felt I was getting better but now, it's not. A few more people have moved on my road and the noise from cars and trucks going by more frequently, kids yelling and screaming, unruly dogs barking constantly and now constant gunfire is affecting me in a not so positive way.
I think for those of you who have followed me on my blog from day one or prior to leaving the lodge I was at, must see the change in me. I have made some choices that weren't very good for me and has left me unhappy at times.
Something has to change and it will. Starting next weekend if all works out, I plan to take a 1 or 2 day trip on the Denali Highway and clear my head and see if I can make sense of it all. I don't know, maybe I am crazy. But, something will change when I get back.
So, in ending, I hope everyone can make sense of this and maybe some suggestions and/or words of encouragement. By the way, I have a rouge squirrel that has been jumping on my bird feeders and breaking them. I may have to break out my 22.
Take care and enjoy.