THE BUSH LIFE

THE BUSH LIFE
My old boat on Six Mile Lake

THE BUSH LIFE

THE BUSH LIFE
My tent cabin on the Kvechak River

The Bush Life

The Bush Life
My old buddy "KAYAK"

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

I have come to the conclusion that, decisions are the hardest part of my life. I have served 5 tours in combat, lived in a Wilderness setting, lived off the land and retired to a cabin on the road system. That was an easy decision to make but, it has been the worst decision, I have ever made. buying this property and building a cabin, made sense at the time. But now, I know it wasn't the right decision and it's taking its toll on me.

I have a beautiful piece of remote property on a nice lake and have neglected it pretty much for the last six years. I have been trying to rectify this by going out this Summer and working on it to have it ready by Winter. I have to put a hold on it for the present as, my friend Randy has leased his plane to some people and has a job flying for a fishing lodge and has been picking up some clients for this coming Fall bear and moose hunts.

He and I talked and we will try to figure out how to get some flights in between his work. I can't blame him, as he has to make money to keep two planes in operation. in the meantime I am planning on finishing a couple of projects on the town cabin and then selling it. I am thinking about trading it also for, another remote cabin or a cabin on the road system accessed by walking or atv.

I feel, this is the right decision to make. I have noticed that since I bought this property, my zest for life and in some case my health has diminished somewhat. Many of you know that I have been diagnosed with PTSD resulting from my time in Vietnam. For awhile, I felt I was getting better but now, it's not.  A few more people have moved on my road and the noise from cars and trucks going by more frequently, kids yelling and screaming, unruly dogs barking constantly and now constant gunfire is affecting me in a not so positive way.

I think for those of you who have followed me on my blog from day one or prior to leaving the lodge I was at, must see the change in me. I have made some choices that weren't very good for me and has left me unhappy at times.

Something has to change and it will. Starting next weekend if all works out, I plan to take a 1 or 2 day trip on the Denali Highway and clear my head and see if I can make sense of it all. I don't know, maybe I am crazy. But, something will change when I get back.

So, in ending, I hope everyone can make sense of this and maybe some suggestions and/or words of encouragement. By the way, I have a rouge squirrel that has been jumping on my bird feeders and breaking them. I may have to break out my 22.

Take care and enjoy.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear John.........
In your profile, you say "I am just a simple guy who enjoys living a simple life. I like living a back to basic lifestyle in a wilderness setting." That speaks volumes and unless your goal in life has changed, the only person who can achieve this is YOU! The unsettling noises, gunshots, dogs barking, etc., do not seem like part of a wilderness setting to me so if that is the case, change it! Also remember that the only person you have to answer to is your maker - and yourself! Follow your bliss and all else will follow. About the squirrel - is it time to get that dog that you mentioned previously that you have been pondering on? Breathe......Chris

John said...

Hi Chris, thanks for your advice. I am working on it.

M. Silvius said...

Hang in there John we are with you in heart and spirit. You don't have to have PTSD to be bothered by noise and and the inconsiderate behavior of people around you. Sometimes it takes a lot to keep cool and not go postal on some of the idiots around you. I can't imagine what it was like to serve 5 tours in one of the worst military engagements in our history. I hope you can find a solution. You inevitably need access to the outside world for basic supplies, specially as you get older and need to visit the doc occasionally, but it would be nice to keep the outside world from invading your space. So a remote place that you can access by ATV or snow machine and not be dependent on an aircraft might be the right thing. Keep us posted on events.

John said...

Thanks Mike, I always like your replys and words of wisdom. I think when I go on my trip, it will help.

Washkeeton said...

Yes I have seen the changes. I think I have talked with you about a few related to your health. I will miss you being down the road but know you have to do what you have to do to make you happy. I have to agree with the access to the road via walking, ATV...vs fly in due to some of the health issues you have experienced. Good luck with what ever choice you make.

Wash

John said...

Thanks Wash, it will all work out.

Rumbarr said...

I know where your coming from, good friend of mine here also has ptsd from 'nam and he goes to a monthly meeting with other vets,play golf together and such things to help these guys out. People down your road shooting guns mixed with a little boose and thats a recipe to get out of there John, I was telling my friend the other day most dangerous thing in AK is not bears or pack of wolves, it's drunk/weekend warrior type people. Take a trip and hopefully it's a step in the right direction =)

bigfoot said...

You have alot of folks pulling for you, John, including a couple down here in TX.
Pls take a break and maybe that will help you figure out what you need to do.
But if you can, keep us posted.
Thanks sir

John said...

Thanks Fumbarr, long time, no hear grom. Glad you stopped in. I am definitely trying not to be affected to much but, it's hard.

John said...

Thanks bigfoot, appreciate your support. Stay tuned

mallardhen said...

John, I am a new reader to your blog and love all your pictures of Alaska we moved from upstate NY 20 years ago and bought a house in a small town in MO on what we thought was a quiet location away from the town center and as you said when we first moved there it was quiet and almost lonely, as time went on it became to many people, drinking,and not shooting,but other sounds that just about drove us crazy last summer (2015) we decided we had it and found a small cabin/house in the Ozark Mts. of AR and moved to our mountain top since then we have returned to the quiet life and our nerves have also calmed down hopefully if you decide to move you will find yourself in a better and more peaceful environment and peace of mind. My advice is "go for it" what do you have to lose. Life is short be happy. I'll check with you to see how you are making out. P.S. Wish I were there just love Alaska.

Have a good and safe trip.

John said...

Hi mallardhen, I love your handle, very unique. I guess you do know what I mean. Trust me, I am researching all my options. By the way, my sister presently lives in Upstate N.Y. Binghamton. Nice little city for what's left of it. Stay tuned.

Robert Knowlton said...

If the desire for peace and quiet makes one crazy, then I am crazy as a loon...and proud of it!

John said...

Very well put, I agree

Anonymous said...

Hiya John,seems like your at the stage of life as me.What was simple and done without plan ahead,has now taken a different turn.Our ducks don't always come in a row.What was important at a time in our lives changes,due to circumstances not in our control.Mine have changed and I'm just coming to terms with it,I'm 71 have health issues I didn't have a year ago.But I'm not butting heads with it anymore,just going to live life as well as I can.PTSD is a bitch on your back and you can't go it alone,hope you do some kind of therapy for it.I also have it and dealing with it for 22 yrs now..my good days are out way in the stressed ones..I understand how you feel ,I love being around people but sometimes I need quiet me time.Get out and be with friends more when you feel up to it.Take care of yourself and don't sweat the small stuff , things will fall into place.Take care my friend,thinking of you..Bert from Bama

Anonymous said...

That was suppose to say my good days are out weighing the stressed ones. ...dang auto correct lol

John said...

Thanks Bert, working on it

Art said...

Simplification is always good. Juggling multiple properties is time consuming and you spend more time making lists, transporting goods and trying to build/fix/repair in compressed timeslots. I know. That's where I am. I'm shutting down one location. The meth heads may take over and burn it down but that would simplify things, too. You have a nice place now...heaven for those in pursuit. Work through it. The answer is always there.

John said...

You are right. I knew awhile back that it was getting hard to manage 2 properties. I will soon make a decision, I'm pretty sure.

Debbie Schreib said...

taking a little road trip to decompress and think is always a good thing, and I hope you find true peace at the end, John. sometimes I think the world has gone mad, and people just want to hate. every person needs their refuge and should live the life that makes them happy. I would hate people moving here causing noise in my little world of quiet. I like to have the option of the road to travel easily when I must, yet can sit in my quiet without the world the rest of the time. whatever you decide to do, don't stay away too long! also try very hard not to overthink things. sometimes we just have to go with our gut and just do! take good care, Debi

John said...

Thanks Debbie, your thoughts are very comforting, thanks

Anonymous said...

Hi! John, you have a lot of good comments to your post. I just sold a second property, as I couldn't keep up with the strain of worrying about it and the upkeep. Traveling a couple hours to check on it and the snow gets deep in the winter (over five feet at once a couple years ago!)
The feeling of relief has made it possible to enjoy my time and the freedom to stay home or go on a road trip! I too like the peace and quiet, but also need the choice if I want to go to town for something I can. Just a thought, if you live close to the railroad in AK will they stop to pick you up if you live remote? The walking and four wheeler, snow machine access would be nice, as it is on your terms to come and go. Each person has to do what they feel is right for them, hope you have a nice trip and 4th of July. Take care, KC

John said...

Hi KC, my remote cabin isn't near the RR although, I wish it was. I don't mind being away from the creature comforts and easy access. It's a price I'm willing to pay for peace and quiet. I am looking forward to my trip. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Hey John
The Grayling fishing along the Denali Hwy is usually very good this time of year. Years ago I had a little booklet the State put out (free) about fishing from the road system. We used it on the Denali and had a fantastic trip. Nothing to clear a persons mind like a good fishing trip.. Keep in touch.

Old John

John said...

Hey John, I know the fishing spots very well, made many a trip there. Thanks for the advice.

Mary said...

Town sux. Move away. If I didn't have to work I'd live a lot more temotely. A solo trip in wilderness always works for me. I hope you come back refreshed.

John said...

I couldn't agree more. Thanks